Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
Introduction.
Hi there. Welcome to my new blog. My name is Marie and I live in Louisburgh, a small town on the Atlantic sea-board in the west of Ireland.
I am 56 years old, not too old and not too young. Just old…enough. For what, I couldn’t say.
I straddle a few career paths which has turned my journey through life into an interesting, vaguely haphazard adventure.
I’m a wilderness first aid trainer, a part time nurse in an overwhelmed Emergency Department in Co Mayo, a sometimes adventure guide and an often times mountain rescue medic.
I have a current ex husband with whom I remain close, and two kindly, easy going red headed daughters who everybody told me would be trouble but so far not a whiff.
I read alot and jog in the rain. It rains a lot in the west of Ireland. I listen to music and make Mammy dinners for my humans when I alight at home. Despite being in many geographical areas in one month I am unrealistically house proud and could win an All-Ireland championship in hoovering.
I wrote a novel which I am hoping to peddle soon, a murder mystery set in the west of Ireland. I grew tired of novels set in cities, always in the ‘under belly’ of a gritty urban jungle. (Louisburgh doesn’t really have an underbelly as far as I’m aware although a lot of people seem to be making progress with the over belly.)
I’ve been writing a blog to myself since I was young enough to think I would be a virgin until the day I got married. In those days incoherent scribblings were called a diary. Now I notice that people who are even more incoherent than myself are calling whatever they put onto a page a blog……
So!. I ve decided to stop talking to myself and now invite others in to share my nonsense instead.
So.
What you willnotfind in this blog is the following:
Particularly useful information
Selfies of me pouting
Selfies of my backside hanging out of a bikini (or front-side hanging out of a bikini you ll be pleased to hear)
Fashion advice
Delicious recipes
Make up or make-over tips
Hang-over remedies
What you will find in this blog is the following:
The random insights of a woman in her prime. (Yes I did say prime)
Stories of adventure and travel
Commentary on life experiences that affect us all, raising kids, getting older, the death of parents, friendship, looking for love….
Lots of humour
Shots of beautiful scenery that I didn’t get from Google images
Experiences of an adventurous mountain rescue nurse
I need someone to invent a strimmer for women please. Anyone?
This female version of strimmer would be much lighter and have a harness which takes breasts into consideration. Men are always taking breasts into consideration except when it might be remotely useful to the woman.
It wouldn’t have to be pink or purty. I have no idea why grown women are always annoyingly associated with the colour pink when all females grow out of this phase at the age of 6 years or so with the exception of my 80 year old mother.
Also there would have to be a lot less length. I’m saying
this with a completely straight face.
The reason for this is that I have noticed that despite the harness that’s supposed to take the weight, a certain amount of forearm strength seems to be needed to operate these devices with precision simply because the real weight is at the working end. Far, far away from your centre of gravity.
And might I suggest that forearm strength is directly proportional to the presence of foreskin. When you don’t possess any of the latter, there is a commensurate decrease in the capacity of the former. With the single exception of Martina Navratilova, our woman forearms are puny affairs, useful in that they attach our more functional upper arms to our very busy and industrious hands.
I wanted to buy a strimmer and took myself to the internet to see if there was a smaller version of the implement but if you go online and look up ‘Strimmers for Women,’ the request is blithely ignored.
Ignored! What is this? I’m being ignored by the fucking internet? Is that even possible? You can learn how to build a bomb in your kitchen or get detailed instructions on applying blusher so that you look forty five years younger. But not a damned thing about woman sized strimmers.
Eventually I found a thread where a light weight woman was
plaintively wondering if there was any such thing ‘out there’ as a light weight
strimmer. I was sitting at my desk at home and I wriggled my bum in my seat
with interest. This was my exact
question. I too am a small woman with a peculiar and particular interest in
strimming.
So I read on.
She received a lot of manly advice about all varieties of
brush cutters and there was an endless rush of guys competing with each other
by listing brands of same, but the bottom line was to hire the thing, and
preferably then hire someone– (a man
someone of course-) to do the job for her.
However as far as I was concerned this was just a design flaw problem. And what I wanted to know was this? Why couldn’t some strimmer-inventing genius come up with the idea to invent a model especially designed for women! Open up the market. CREATE a new market. Lady strimmers. (Sort of like lady shavers only not as easily stored.)
I separated from my husband a few of years ago. We have remained friends to a degree which has confounded many and we continue to support each other practically. He is still perfectly willing to help in the rather large garden around the family home where I live with our two teenage girls.
Mark is a very competent and manly man. He’s always had wonderful
instincts in all matters house and garden. For the fifteen years we occupied
this home together, all that he planted flourished. The alder trees that wave cheerfully
at the sky all summer. The Escalanoia hedges. The willow in the snarly unseen
bit at the back of the site. He was the King Strimmer making light work of the
overgrowth around the edges of our garden.
I on the other hand- well- everything I plant turn to shit. It’s not that I dont try. I’m quite gamey and certainly not the kind of woman who never ventures past the kitchen window. Over the years, I have mowed the lawns and humped sacks of compost and dug holes and wobbled bow -legged back and forth wheeling heavy loads in the wheelbarrow. I carpet burn my knees with weeding for two days every spring when the excitement of lambs and daffodils after an endless winter went straight to my head. Then I don’t weed another minute until the following year.
Every May, I plant flowers in containers which I place around the porch leading to the door of the house. During those first few weeks after planting as I arrive at my home, I am greeted by the cheerful little faces of begonia or petunia shivering in pleasure as I walk by. They always seem delighted to see me. And I them. The containers explode with colour and are a wonderful welcome as the air gets warmer and spring turns into summer.
However as the summer wanders on, the honeymoon period ends as I get busy working and now I hurry past, eyes down, mumbling apologies to the wilting forlorn little heads. Promising to water them tomorrow. ‘Too tired now guys. ‘Sorry. Sorry’
Also I work away from home a lot and trying to get teenagers to remember to water flowers is about as useful an exercise as asking the dog to put out the bin.
I try to make it up to the poor things on days off, watering and feeding and dead-heading flowers for Ireland and within a few days, the flowers straighten up once more and to a man they breath a sigh of relief. Congratulate each other like stalwart survivors. They have dodged the bullet yet again.
‘Whew!’ they laugh, elbowing each other playfully. ‘That was a close one. Yer one is a bit of tease.’
My father had a joke about a farmer who tried to teach his donkey to survive without the inconvenience and expense of having to be fed every day. The punch line went ‘And no sooner had I the fucking fellow trained, didn’t he up and die!’
That’s me and flowers. If only they weren’t such demanding little
brats. I should be able to train them, as I have done with my indoor cactus
type plants, to survive without watering and feeding for weeks on end. I keep
forgetting to tell myself that flowers are not just for Christmas. I have to be
more responsible and not resent them for being so needy.
Back to the strimmer. All these years my ex husband did his
thing, strimming only the bits of garden he saw fit and totally ignoring any
requests on my part as to which parts of the garden I wanted to tame.
How I yearned to be a champion strimmer! I wanted to lay waste
to the raggedy bits of over growth at the edge of the garden that he refused to
cut. I wanted to see the ankles of the trees at the front of the house and
unearth the secret garden and the steps he once built at the ignored back gable
of our house.
But every time I gamely took up a strimmer, it felt heavy
and unwieldy and over long with all the weight at the working end. I had the
impression that I was trying to operate a goal post pole.
And on the few occasions where I stubbornly persisted I was
a loose canon. Mark winced and cursed as I careered around the edge of the
garden laying waste to new hedges and small trees, gouging big wedges of earth
out of the lawn. Out of the planet it seemed. Clumps of clay hung off my hair,
shrubs were tossed hither and yon. After such unsuccessful outings with Mark’s
strimmer I would retreat with a degree of rare humility and that would be the
end of it for another year.
A year after our separation I bought a damn strimmer. It was an impulse buy I admit. There it was leaning nonchalantly against the wall in the garden implement section of the local Homeland store. I stopped and eyed it with interest. Took it down from where it lolled with its’ arms folded, daring me to take it on. It looked smaller and more manageable than the big industrial sized yoke that Mark used.
Daughter number 2, sweet sixteen at the time, gazed at me doubtfully through her specs as I muttered to myself ‘Ah just look at you….’ stroking the thing like a long lost lover.
‘You don’t need a strimmer Mom. Dad will do that job for
you’ she suggested with a worried look. She knew there would be trouble in
paradise.
But I didn’t want to go on forever depending on my ex husband. He was about to build his own house. He had a girlfriend for godsake.
I was on my own and wanted to grow up and be independent in
all things.
Jake, a helpful young man at the counter in Homeland gave me a 10 minute tutorial about the thing and I nodded earnestly although I didn’t understand a single word. At home I took it out of the box and when I laid the alarming number of separate bits on the table I realised that I didn’t have the first clue about how to assemble it. If only I had listened to Jake earlier. I read the instructions carefully, tried to match the diagram with the actual bits that lay on the kitchen table but it was as incomprehensible to me as a foreign language.
Or Enigma. I would need Benedict Cumberbatch and a team of mathematicians to come from Oxford and scratch their heads and stay up all night trying to figure it out. Alternatively the current ex-husband would have to be drafted in. Well shit.
When he saw the thing he was outraged. He would have been more reasonable if I had purchased a real live giraffe. ‘Such a waste of money!’ he ranted.
‘Not that much money’ I sniffed. (It was on sale…)
He went on in that vein for a while. Why couldn’t I just let
him do whatever tidying up the lawn needed after mowing etc etc? Why did I
always have to go rogue?
I resented his argument. He didn’t understand that this was my lawn now. We had always done things his way. This was my small way of staking the ground on which I now lived. Without him. Of course he got over his tantrum and put the thing together with blithe efficiency for which I was grateful. Is this what happens to women who have things assembled by
men for years? We become mechanically illiterate.
I consider myself pretty competent and practical. I’m a
nurse with all the practical skills that entails. I’m outdoorsy and hardy. I do
all my own painting inside and out. I’m calm in the middle of life and death
emergencies.
But I m fucked if I can make out a single line of instructions
on how to assemble a strimmer.
So is there a moral to this story? Of course not. We all
just muddle along doing the best we can.
Since then I have been using my strimmer frequently and without any problem although I will still need Mark or Jake in the garden centre when the entire top flies off or I decapitate the dog.
Meanwhile I have cleaned up the bits of garden that I wanted
to uncover. I exposed the secret garden again, shabby and forlorn and filled
with towering weeds that have stalks the width of tennis racket handles. I mean
when did they arrive?
So may I beg your
pardon people but I have strimmed and afterwards in the house, with shaky
forearms and skin flecked with grass I have pronounced myself pleased.
Over the winter as growth recedes and shrubs and plants and
weeds alike bow out after the last curtain call, I hope to go around and cut
back and lay bare and groom my garden in preparation for a profusion of happy
growth next year.
It’s a lovely plan and who knows? I might even carry it out.
Well I just said that thing about the sabre to get your attention.
Bucket rattling doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. I’ve never had a sabre to rattle. Not even a small one.
Today was Saturday and I spent three hours rattling a bucket in the draughty forecourt of a petrol station in Westport. Fund raising for Mayo Mountain Rescue. As if all the hours on call outs and training didn’t take enough large chunks out of one’s personal life, we also have to raise the money needed for our operations every year. Thanks fer nothing Irish government…..
However, lest you think I’m griping it’s quite remarkable how time passes in the forecourt of a busy petrol station. It’s an experience much like people-watching in an airport. Just take away the tans and the luggage and add a frigid wind blowing straight through the centre of your belly button.
I didn’t actually shake my little bucket. I don’t think
that’s allowed anymore and anyway it would seem rude.
I just stood there rather passively beside the rubbish bin which was as tall as me, wearing my mountain rescue jacket and my ugly mountain boots which make my feet look like clumps of turf.
I smiled and greeted people as they passed me and gave
fulsome thanks to those who put money in my bucket. Grovelled a little even. Then
I spent the next three hours marvelling at all sorts of things.
For example, the driving techniques of the different
demographics.
Who knew that old ladies were such a card-carrying menace in
confined areas? You can barely see their
blue- grey heads over the steering wheel
as they wobble in to park at all sorts of impossible angles. Then there’s all
that unnecessary revving whilst stationary.
I watched as one elderly woman, after buying her litre of
milk, climbed back into her car with a good degree of agility. She turned on
the ignition and with a serene expression and staring straight ahead, she shot
backwards to get clear of the cars parked at the pumps.
She didn’t grace her rear view or side mirrors with a single glance. Nor did she exert herself to look behind. Luckily the guy in the white van behind her was alert to such old lady manoeuvres and alarmed but quick thinking, he accelerated out of her way and just managed to avoid a collision that might have killed her off completely. Maybe that was her objective. To die in a public blaze of noise and drama rather than suffer some protracted drooling end in a nursing home. Headlines in the Mayo News. ‘Local woman reverses to her death!’
After that suicidal but admittedly nimble display of
reversing, she put the car in forward gear and everyone in the vicinity cringed
at the whine of the gear change as she drove away with nary a care, oblivious
to the fact that she had skirted death and damage to limb and property.
Possibly someone else’s limb and property.
Ironically after such confidently brisk reversing, her forward motion
had all the urgency of a wounded turtle on the way to see a distant relative.
It took her hours to leave the forecourt…..
The other selection of drivers I noticed were the young men. In the way of young men the world over, they simply couldn’t help making a big deal of themselves. I was reminded of feather-inflating peacocks. They drove in off the road in a commotion of noise and speed as if competing in a rally. Then the abrupt car-rocking stop.
One young fellow with skinny jeans lying low on non-existent hips jumped out of his barely stationary car and jogged towards the shop ignoring me completely with my bucket. I held about as much interest for him as the bin standing beside me. He was out a half minute later holding a sports drink. I wanted to remind him about the sugar content but he was off again, after accelerating from 0 to 40 miles an hour in a nanosecond. Only to be stopped by the traffic I was pleased to see. Hymph.
Over the course of the few hours all manner of humans drove
up.
Holiday makers with parents barely keeping it together while
sullen teenagers sat smeared into the back seats, head phones on.
I mugged at a little boy when his father’s back was turned as he filled the car with petrol. The child was propped in his booster seat and in the alert and perky way of small humans, noticed me immediately. He peered at me for a moment and then stuck out his tongue. I admit to returning the greeting.
There were lots of solo young women in leggings. I appreciate the extreme comfort of leggings and wear them myself jogging but with some versions of really thin material, the woman’s actual anatomy is practically on show. We should really have a debate about this.
Call it ‘How public is your pudendum?’
I wonder for example if it’s socially appropriate to be in a
position to check out a girl’s cervix as she approaches? It’s almost an
incitement to indiscriminate gynaecological inspection.
Someday someone will call out in an urgent manner ‘Nurse!
Speculum please! No! On second thoughts, make it a duck billed forceps! The big
fat steel ones. Oh and a good dollop of KY jelly if you don’t mind. I m going
in!” I should really carry these things in my hand bag just in case. Every good
nurse should always be prepared.
The women who gave me money all found their coins in purses
that they carried into the shop while the men found change by rummaging deep in
pockets.
There’s another difference I’ve noticed between the habits of men and women. (Really
anthropologists should be getting in touch in their droves…there’s so much
stuff they miss….)
The difference is where
we keep our change. Unlike men, we women never ever carry change in hip pockets.
I have never seen a woman lean forward with that stupid intent expression men
get when they are rummaging for change, rearranging their balls etc to get that
small 50 cent at the bottom corner of the pocket where the fluff is.
The reason for this is simple. Every woman, big or small,
skinny or more generously proportioned, has the same issue. Our hip pockets are
full to the brim with our actual hips. You could barely get a hand in there. Although
there are many who have tried believe me……just slap them away ladies.
Anyway this explains why many men jangle when they walk. It’s
a week’s worth of coinage. My father was very jangly. Mr Richard Bo Jangles
Lyons. Without the Bo. With the jangles.
Back in the forecourt a young girl trailed after her father entering the shop. She was cradling a baby doll. When I said ‘Lovely baby’ she admonished ‘It’s not a real baby silly!’
‘Oh of course not. What’s her name?’
It’s a boy silly! His name is Samuel’
I laughed at being called silly twice in such a short
conversation and apologised for my mistake.
‘It’s okay’ she allowed. ‘I have a girl baby at home’.
I didn’t ask any more questions in case she called me silly
again.
An entire football team climbed down from a bus and trooped
past me avoiding my eye in that furtive way of teenage boys.
There was a moment of embarrassment when a woman walked towards me and I smiled and held out the bucket but she was just putting something in the bin. We could have salvaged the moment with a joke but before I could make any she wheeled away mortified. Some people need to relax a little. Embarrassment is essentially unnecessary unless of course you’re returning from the bathroom of an expensive restaurant with toilet paper trailing from your knickers.
I got bored eventually and tried to make myself useful. I minded a guy’s bike and a woman’s dog, a tiny dispirited looking pooch with less personality than the bike. There was no chance anyone would run away with this particular canine so I didn’t even try to make small talk as we waited for his mistress to emerge.
The bike on the other hand looked as if it cost about thirty grand and I figured its’ owner, a fit looking man in his thirties for an out of towner. He had a tan that looked like it was cooked on a yacht in Monaco. He wore expensive lycra bicycle shorts and had a vague air of moneyed privilage. Before entering the shop, he took off his helmet and shook out rich ebony curls. That head was in no way shape or form a west of Ireland head. I can tell these things. He thanked me graciously for looking after his bike and took off to conquer the world. I felt sure I would see him next in an ad next Christmas for Giorgio Armani.
Speaking of heads I also did a bit of dead heading on the
two hanging baskets swinging off the wall behind me and resisted the urge to
help a young employee pick up around the place. He was about 17 or so with a
pimply face and an attitude of lassitude. When I first caught sight of him, I
sneered to myself at the desultory way in which he pushed his brush around the
bricks of the forecourt. I was thinking ‘Ho, look at this buck. He can’t even
operate a sweeping brush.’
However I am pleased to say that he proved me completely
wrong and over the few hours, despite an appearance of not really moving at all,
he got all manner of jobs completed. He shined the aluminium siding on the pumps,
picked up all the rubbish, replaced the old bouquets of flowers in the bucket outside
the shop with new ones, cleaned the outside tables and washed the outside
windows. Admittedly he’d make a glacier look like it was in a hurry and he had
an air of someone who yearned with every fibre of his being to be somewhere
else but I was nonetheless impressed. I praised his work at one point but he wasn’t
bothered having a conversation with a middle-aged woman in an anorak. This seemed
to be a running theme I realised.
The most generous people who donated were the elderly who stopped
to chat and ask me about Reek Sunday. Also women from thirty years of age
onwards who smiled and rummaged absently in purses while children hung out of
their arms.
I didn’t make a killing but there was a respectable heft to
my bucket as I walked away to join the rest of my team members who had all been
standing in different equally draughty parts of town.
Oh and the young employee came running up for a hug before I
left.
Last year a friend called Mark Reynold’s called me. Mark owns a hiking company called Into the West adventures. He wanted me to accompany two men on a 10 day trip on the Inca trail on behalf of his company. How could I refuse? I wouldn’t be able to justify the expense of such a trip myself until the girls had been put through college and I felt sure that by then, the nursing home wouldn’t release me. So in April 2018 I abandoned hearth and home and two bemused teenagers and headed for the Americas.
April 12th 2018.
Modern air travel
I left Dublin early today after putting the head down in the Travelodge for a few hours. A dawn was breaking over Dublin that wasn’t dawn at all, just another grey pall hanging low over the shoulders of a waking up city. It s been a shit winter.
It was only 6am but already cars were feeding onto the motorway from all directions. The early bus to the airport snorted to a stop and spewed out its passengers, myself and a very elderly couple. They got rather comically tangled up in their luggage so I helped to pull them and their suitcases out of the bus. The suitcases were huge and seemed to be in charge. When the two tiny figures set off dragging the luggage behind them, it looked as if they were bringing their houses on holiday. I smiled after them. So did the Polish bus driver. Then he shook his head, pushed his button thing and the door closed with a wheeze and the bus trundled off.
As did I, moving into the already crowded airport to start the business of modern air travel. Getting my boarding card, being vetted along with my hand luggage to ensure that I wasn’t going to blow up my fellow passengers and the cabin crew with some explosives cleverly concealed in the lining of my knickers.
I went towards security following the line that went back and forth in that rather efficient queuing system where you keep ending up beside the same people who were ahead of you, in a parallel lane and facing in the opposite way. It’s a great opportunity to examine people in more detail I always think. For example on my first pass I noticed from behind a lithe young blonde woman dressed very glamorously in skinny jeans and high heels. On my next pass I realised that the young woman was about 65 years old with tanned leathery skin from too many sun holidays. I probably look better from the back also.
Then to the conveyer xray machine and I waited for my turn while practised fellow travellers hauled off boots and belts and bras (okay not the bras) and sent their bits of baggage ahead, waiting for the nod from security personnel to walk through the detector.
I always enjoy people’s expressions here as they walk this
little gauntlet. Trying not to feel self conscious under the keen gaze of the
uniformed security staff, in this case a man and a woman who were clearly
gossiping.
When it came to my turn I resisted hitching up my trousers
or holding my breath. I think even my gait changed as I strolled through with a
Charlie Chaplin-like cheeriness, wearing a wry smile to notify them of my
innocence. Of course I was merely eyed and scanned with expressions as
impersonal as if I were a canned item on a shelf in a super market.
After clearing security I was now captive with my fellow
travellers in the ‘holding zone’. The glitter of the airport shops help to
distract us from the fact that we are like so many sheep, safely corralled and
nudged down corridors and into the waiting areas at the gates. At my gate everybody
sat in an almost gloomy introspection waiting to board although people became strangely
galvanised whenever there was the merest hint of action at the boarding gate. An
employee scratching their backside for example.
A wave from a stewardess to another colleague across the way
almost caused a stampede. Then everyone sat down again. False alarm.
I took out my book, PD James, looking forward to hours of reading.
At one point I looked up and gazed around me. Almost everyone was sitting with
crumpled bags between their legs while they gazed blankly into the screens of
their phones as if therein lay the secrets of the universe.
One well dressed guy with ear buds pressed firmtly into his ears was walking up and down making impatient gestures as he spoke urgently to someone at the other end. The business day had started. Sell sell sell! Buy buy buy! (For all I know he was telling his wife to take his jocks off the clothes line.)
He had a swit swoo suit on and very pointy shiny shoes and wore a serious expression that bespoke of multi-national deals of a financial nature. But what do I know?
I wanted to gently prise the phone out of his pinched white hand
and invite him to Maccu Piccu. Tell him that the clean mountain air would do
him good. Allow his nerve endings to unfurl and his hair to unclench.
I would have liked to invite everybody. Shout out to throw
the fucking phones in the bin. ‘Let’s go to the Andes people!’
And then we’d do some version of a flash mob dance and live
happily ever after without electronics. But I did no such a thing and before
too long I was sitting on a tiny plane bound for Amsterdam where I would get my
connecting flight to Lima.
The air craft was like a children’s toy, two seats abreast
on each side divided by a strip of carpet down the middle. A very hefty person
would be a clear and very present danger to passengers on this plane. A big bum
waved around injudiciously would almost certainly topple passengers into a
domino heap against the cockpit, disturb the equilibrium of the entire aircraft
and send the plane plummeting earthwards.
As it happened, no one measured the width of our bums and we shoe horned ourselves into our seats and sat crammed together for a pleasant hour or so where we were well looked after by friendly, impossibly tall Dutch women who had to kneel awkwardly in the aisle to make eye contact with the passengers. I reflected that every one of these poor women would have a dowagers hump by the end of their careers from all the hunching and stooping. At five foot and damn all and set very close to the ground, I myself have no such problems.
Later I sat on the loo and the cubicle was so small I could
have kissed the wall in front of me. If I
were a person who took to kissing walls in toilets. Which I amn’t, as they
would say in my country…
As the plane ascended I pressed my forehead to the window
and marvelled that it was actually possible to rise above the oppressive
ceiling of cloud that had been squatting over Ireland for what seemed like
weeks. It was early April but spring hadn’t really sprung and we were all fed
up with the protracted winter.
Suddenly the sky was a bright crayon blue and the sun
gleamed through the windows of the plane settling warmly on my knees like a
blanket. Now the clouds were below us. Cartoon clouds, impossibly white and
cottony, stretching as far as the eye could see, their edges ruffled and frilly.
The second flight from Amsterdam to Lima went much faster than one could have hoped for. This was over 12 hours duration.
I watched 4 movies no less. One was the Shape of water. What a unique and wonderful love story. By the end of the movie I almost fancied the water creature myself, scales notwithstanding. Something about his limpid gaze. And his abs’ of course. Well show me the woman who can resist a look of blistering devotion and a six pack…….
Long haul flights are rather unique in that passengers
suddenly behave as if they are at home in their sitting room. They pad around
sleepily in their socks fetching night caps. They stop worrying about the state
of their hair which sticks up at odd angles from trying to sleep sitting up.
People become more dishevelled as the hours go by, stretching out on the seats
in all directions or curling up with lap tops and books.
I was very content with the quiet and a good book and watching
movies that were touted at the Oscars which I hadn’t got around to seeing yet.
The only major disadvantage of long haul air travel aside
from arriving at the other end with a stale gusset, is intestinal upheaval. You
sit obediently for 12 plus hours eating every morsel that’s put in front of you
out of sheer boredom. The Lilliputian portions of chicken curry, a white roll,
a little plastic carton of fruit, a lump of cheese. And that’s just the first
meal. Three meals later, and that food is cramped up in an abdomen that’s
doubled over itself for all that time, everything moving sluggishly if at all.
I mean how would you feel if you were a bowel motion?
All that darkness and painstakingly slow forward motion and then suddenly you erupt in exultation into the light of day only to plop unceremoniously into the depths of a toilet bowl at the end of that brave and epic journey. (I must have suffered an hour or two of boredom to be personifying my bowel motions.) Anyway the interminable always ends. We were finally in Lima.
Myself and the two clients, Pat and Darren, were met at the airport in Lima by a small wide man called Julian who gave us a dazzling smile full of crooked teeth. He shook every hand with grave formality. It was 6pm local time and we were a bit dazed after 15 or so hours in planes and airports. He led us outside the terminal and at once the noise was terrific. Police blowing urgently into their whistles, swarms of people everywhere, horns blasting, traffic moving in a chaotic formation out of the airport.
Coming from a small country town in the west of Ireland, Lima was like a sensory invasion. The clammy warmth. The sucking sound of so many cars on the highway. Incessant horn sounding. The constant dizzying motion at one time of so many people in their cars or on the streets. Ten million souls in this city and it seemed as if they were all out and about that evening.
The short drive to the hotel soon held the vague threat of a Kamikaze mission. There were lanes on the high way but nobody seemed to realise what they were for. On our mercifully short journey, we were cut up by all manner of motorists. The drivers seemed to be mostly men who aggressively nudged the nose of their vehicles over onto our lane so that Julian had to give quarter at the last minute. At intersections there didn’t appear to be many traffic lights so cars were just shouldering forcibly onto the main thoroughfare which is obviously necessary if you have any hope of getting to your destination on the same day as you got into your car.
These interlopers caused sudden rocking stops of vehicles on
the highway in the interests of keeping the occupants of all cars alive. Then
everyone was off again, trying to find a gap in traffic that convulsed rather
than flowed. I remarked to the guys that there seemed to be a suspiciously
large number of cars with hollowed dents and large scrapes.
All the while police men and women in spotless uniform with
white gloves stood on traffic islands and blew maniacally on their whistles to
what end I cannot honestly say as they were comprehensively ignored.
Honking your horn at another car in the west of Ireland would be the gravest lapse of good manners. Even when some elderly farmer has dozed off while waiting to cross a junction, mororists behind wouldn’t dream of sounding a horn. Where I live in County Mayo you get a friendly nod as you’re waved onto the main road by other motorists. ‘After you’ ‘No no after you!’
And at pedestrian crossings in towns in rural Ireland, drivers
always stop to let pedestrians cross. They are then rewarded with a quaint little
wave of thanks. Even younger kids do this. The shy wave. (Irish people don’t
like to make a big deal of themselves.) The indulgent nod of the driver in
return.
If pedestrians at
home aren’t fawningly grateful when you afford them their legal right and stop
to let them cross, you know they must be foreigners.
In Lima the people
are no different to city dwellers the world over. You simply have to hustle to
get where you want to go.
And fuck the pedestrians.
Our luggage never made it so after being dropped off at the hotel near the airport I was using pantomime to explain to Julian that I needed to go to some kind of supermarket to buy a singlet and underwear. All my smalls and lighter clothing was in my suitcase which was on it’s own holidays in Amsterdam. I was dressed for Irish weather and sleeping in this heat in a jumper was out of the question.
While I made these foolish wild gestures, Julian was gazing
at me with this sweet pained expression, embarrassed that he couldn’t
understand me although I was the one speaking a foreign language in his country.
Finally I saw that he had a string vest on underneath his shirt so I reached my hand down underneath the collar and pulled at the strap of his vest. He didn’t react at all to this violation of his personal space and having a strange woman tug at his under garments. His expression finally cleared and he beamed. ‘Si Si!’ delighted with his illumination. He nodded and bid me to follow and we were off again on the bus, this time to a market where he left me with an aisle of knickers and wife beaters to inspect.
Julian was my first contact with the Peruvians and he
represented what I came to recognise about the people throughout the following couple
of weeks. Every single human that we met, even in the tourist areas where you
might expect people to have a somewhat jaded approach to foreigners, possessed
this simple delightful courtesy and willingness to help.
I slept in my new strange smelling vest and knickers in the
airport hotel and tried to ignore the roaring of planes close over head which
sounded so near that at one point I sat upright in bed fully certain that one
had set down on the landing outside my room. At sea level, Lima was a far cry
from the mountain top world I was soon to visit and I couldn’t wait.
Today we flew early from Lima to the mountain city of Cusco. The descent to Cusco through the mountains is utterly breath taking and I experienced a giddy excitement as I peered over the shoulder of a pretty young Peruvian woman to gawp out of the small airplane window. She was smiling at my enjoyment of the scenery and shrinking back against her seat so that I could get a better look.
I had read that Cusco airport operates at a limited capacity
with particular challenges for landing and take-off. From the landing point of
view, the pilot has to steer the plane between the magestic ridges of the Andes
on either side which stretch off interminably as far as the eye can see. The
Andes are 4300 miles long and up to 430 miles wide as they march through seven
South American countries and their scale and magnificence is a sight to behold
from the air.
Another difficulty for the intrepid pilots who have to fly into Cusco airport is that the runway is located dab smack in the centre of the town. And as everyone knows, it’s considered downright rude to drop in on the local inhabitants in such a way as to render local inhabitants – well – dead.
So skill and experience is obviously in the job description
as well as a robust sense of responsibility for not only the air travellers but
the city dwellers and UNESCO buildings below. It wouldn’t do to take a chunk
off the side of the cathedral with a wayward airplane wing.
As for taking off, the thinner air requires the air craft to
use more running length to generate wing lift hence a longer than usual run
way. Climb outs are apparently slow but who could complain because whether
dropping in or climbing out, the view from the plane is achingly beautiful.
Cusco airport or Alejandro Velasco Astete International was
named after afore mentioned Alejandro, a young pilot who was the first to land
successfully in Cusco in 1925. He was still in his twenties when he died the
following month during an air show. I thought it very sad that the young man
who literally paved the way so that 2 million tourists can fly into Cusco every
year, died before he could enjoy all the gifts of a longer life.
When we emerged from the small airport into the car park the air felt immediately ‘thinner’. We had flown from sea level to an elevation of 3600 metres in an hour.
Until you experience it firsthand it’s hard to describe
being suddenly at altitude. There’s an indefinable absence as you emerge from the airport into the cool thin air. The
very atmosphere feels sharper.
Of course what’s missing is atmospheric pressure. And good
old oxygen. I never gave these things a single thought before as I went about
my life at sea level. Suddenly alarm bells were going off in my body and I
found myself taking strange sighing sort of breaths. Nothing scary just a
little weird. And expected of course.
I also developed a headache almost immediately which would
bang on for four days like an unwanted visitor at the door of my brain.
Outside the airport we met Alfredo, the owner of Wari Adventures. Alfredo’s company was sub-contracted by Mark Reynolds, owner of Into the West adventures, to look after we three Gringos for the 10 days.
Alfredo was smiling broadly in welcome. Only thirty or so with a broad handsome face, he had inky black hair and the short strong body of the indigenous Indians. He greeted us with the warmth and sincerity which was the hallmark of his character as we found out throughout the following week in his company.
We were driven in a new looking spotless mini bus to our hotel where we were immediately given styrofoam cups of coca leaf tea. The headache was gathering steam behind my forehead so I obediently sipped at the tea which is supposed to help in the acclimatization process. It was completely palatable which was a surprise to me for some reason. It seems to me that a lot of things that might be good for you are tasteless at best, vile at worst, lettuce and tofu being a case in point.
Our luggage decided to sojourn a couple of days in Amsterdam but I refused to whine even to myself. A first world problem. If only the refugees the world over had my toiletry and underwear issues.
The hotel was called Rumi Punku and I would highly recommend it for anyone who is staying in Cusco. It’s a beautiful old colonial building a few minutes away from the main square. The place resembles a Spanish hacienda with split level courtyards and lots of steps bordered with wrought iron railings and tumbling flowers. I realised we were immediately breathless as we took our suitcases up to the rooms. Jesus. How was I going to hike the Inca trail in a couple of days if I couldn’t climb a few stairs?
Cusco city was a delight. Totally unlike anywhere I had ever
been. It’s the historical capital of Peru and was also the original capital of
the Incan Empire which reigned from the late 13th century until the
1530 s when the Spanish arrived.
The Conquistadors brought horses and rifles and pillaging ways. Not that the Inca themselves hadn’t warred and pillaged and merrily invaded the length and breadth of the Amazon, the devils. They had taken the territory from another indigenous tribe, the Chanca and the robust expansionist campaigns of the Inca emperors ensured that they became the largest empire ever seen in the Americas albeit for a short bite of time historically speaking.
As a result of these layers of conquest, the town was a
wonderful mix of colonial and native culture and architecture.
Myself and my two male companions had walked down the narrow
cobbled streets only a few meters from the hotel when two women in traditional
costume hurried over. One was holding a lamb. Of course I smiled down at the
comical sight of the lamb with the colourful bonnet on his head. He was like a
babe in arms. As soon as the women noticed my enchanted expression the animal
was poured into my arms.
“Photo photo!” the younger one said urgently and she and her
companion immediately sprang into position on one side of me and ordered Pat to
“Take photo. Take photo!”
The idea of course is that tourists pose in this charming indigenous tableau and then pay for the privilege. A police man nearby was eyeing the proceedings with a stern eye and started to wander over.
The women grew more hurried. “Photo, photo!”
By the time the constabulary arrived I was rummaging like a
clueless tourist in my purse for local currency while the women fidgeted,
stamping from foot to foot. There was an exchange between them and the policeman
where they were obviously saying something like ‘Hold your water Guard. This
stupid Gringa is taking a week to find us some money”
When I proffered what could have been pittance or a king’s
ransom the younger woman snatched the coins out of my hand and they took off at
a canter without a back ward glance. The police man gave me a non committal
look and wandered away again. There is quite a heavy police presence on foot in
that part of the city presumably to protect and cosset the tourist industry which
is of vital importance to the town.
Marie had a little lamb
(The lamb was actually beseeching me “Take me away from all this!”)
After that little tourist episode we continued our walk and within a couple of minutes we were in the Plaza de Armas which is and was the main square for the Spanish and Inca alike. There’s the imposing cathedral on one side with the beautiful church La Compania de Jesu on the street that forms a right angle to that. The other two sides of the square are lined with restaurants and shops and the architecture is obviously Spanish Colonial with stone arcades below and wooden balconies under sagging tiled roofs above.
I loved the juxtaposition of the architecture in that square. Facing the Cathedral and the church, you’re standing in a world of European Gothic with a sky line filled with elaborate tapering spires and buttresses and ornate pointed arches. Turn 180 degrees and suddenly you’ve wandered onto the set of a spaghetti western. The somewhat tumble-down unpainted buildings topped with terracotta roofs, the snaggled yet pretty disorder of things.
Beyond the town, one could see terraced hills scattered untidily with shanty houses where the real people lived. And beyond that of course the inscrutable Andes.
Plaza de Armas with the cathedral in the background
It was a bank holiday festival and the square was crowded. Apparently
this square is always busy day or night. A large group of men and women in
local costume were dancing before the steps of the Cathedral. The music was a
din. With open arms they wheeled around in elaborate circles and the colour and
vibrancy of their outfits was a sight to behold. Unique hats, hand stitched
shawls and long twirling skirts on the women and all in those impossibly bright
colours so associated with South America.
I will forever associate Peru with colour.
The two men had moved off and I stood there alone, taking it all in. The beautiful colonial buildings, the well tended lawns arranged around a fountain in the centre of the park, the pretty flowers edging the footpaths, the constant moving colour of locals and tourists rambling about. And every time I lifted my gaze there stood the mountains every which way, arranged around and beyond the town like sentries offering silent ageless protection to the people. I consider myself well travelled but had never been in a place quite like this.
I wandered around the colourful local markets. Suckersville
for the likes of me. I’m very typical of the species of middle class tourist
who feels uncomfortable whenever I m confronted with poverty despite the fact
that I have lived and worked and travelled widely in the developing world. I
meet people who have so much less than me and I want to hand over all my worldly
goods, pressing money into grasping hands as if it were contaminated. This
means of course that I buy things I don t need.
I met an artist – Pablo Picasso- he said his name was –an amazing coincidence- and I allowed him to lead me to a park bench splashed with sunshine where he turned over painting and after painting for my inspection. I paid far too much for two vibrantly coloured oils but I will enjoy framing and hanging them in my house in Louisburgh.
There are many such young men in Cusco, street artists hustling
visitors but they are pleasant about rejection and not at all annoying. They all seem to be called Pablo Picasso and when I
complained about the same name to the fourth one I met, the young guy said
without breaking stride alongside me “Okay Michael Angelo then!”
I laughed and told him to go back to painting the Sistine chapel. “I think you missed a bit” I added over my shoulder and he
just grinned and let me go.
Out on the street I was also offered massage, which was
something I may need later. I had noticed a few stiff legged tourists wandering
about, no doubt a result of the rigours of hiking one of the trails.
It was interesting what services were offered to we three
gringos during our two days in Cusco.
Darren, the younger of the two men at 34, told me that he was approached by guys in the street wondering if he had a need for recreational drugs and massages. There also seemed to be an implication of happy endings. Whether this happy end would be the climax of the drug taking or enjoying a massage, I couldn’t say.
Pat and I, at 70 and 54 years young respectively, were obviously
deemed too old to be peddled sex. Or drugs that weren’t for blood pressure or
water retention. I was greatly offended
by this.
Hey I love sex and drugs! I wanted to protest. Well it’d be nice to be frigging asked.
The markets were wonderful. The mountain artisans in Peru still
employ ancient techniques producing some of the finest textiles in South
America. That’s what is said in the guidebook.
I absolutely loved
the colour of these textiles – wall hangings, hats, jumpers, throws. I have an
undisciplined penchant for surrounding myself with a vibrant palette in my own
home. Meaning I paint the shit out of everything that’s stationary. Lockers,
panelled ceilings and walls, doors, beds, bookcases. All wooden surfaces cower
in the face of my painting aggression. I favour the Mexican Brothel school of Interior
Decor so I was very much at home in these cavern like shops where colour
exploded from floor to ceiling.
I bought pencil cases and colourful hair bands that would clash with the hair of my two ginger teenagers at home. I bought a wall hanging that would look exotic in my hallway, and a pair of walking poles. (Very cheap I thought to myself but wasn’t sure. Memo to self. Do not buy stuff with foreign currency until you actually have a handle on the new money and your altitude sickness has worn off) There are lots of outdoor shops so don’t worry if you’ve forgotten to bring something for your hike.
I wandered around and smiled at people who smiled back at me
and said ‘Buenos Dias Senorita’. After the 10th person called me Senorita
I was puzzled. I mean I m not in the depths of decrepitude quite yet but I m
clearly not a Senorita. Was this just a polite term perhaps? Or because I was
woman strolling alone without a male companion?
Anyway I liked it. In
fact I think I m going to insist on folks calling me Senorita when I get home.
The patients in the hospital. My kids. The neighbours.
‘Ah good morning
Senorita Lyons.”
“And a very good morning to you Mrs O Malley.”
Alfredo came to get us in the afternoon for a walking tour of Cusco which was hugely enjoyable. We spent over an hour in the Cathedral which was built on the foundations of an Inca temple.
The Conquistadores were in the habit of wrecking the opulent
palaces and temples of the Emperors and royal families of the Inca just to
build up again in the exact same place. They sought to desecrate all that was
deemed sacred in the culture of another-especially pagan cultures-man they
hated those pagans- and attempted to remove all traces of the Inca religion.
They even took up the sand in the square and used it in the mortar for the
construction of the cathedral. Seems like a scandalous waste to me. Couldn’t
they have decided instead to enjoy the outrageously lavish buildings of the Inca
royals with their gold studded, silver plated, emerald-dripping walls?
What is about humans with all of our amazing ability to create and invent and explore that we also seek to destroy and tear down and annihilate? All the beautiful places that we have blasted to hell. Dresden, Horoshima. Poor utterly broken Alleppo.
And to what end exactly? I’d be enormously grateful if
someone could explain this to my simplistic little brain.
Maybe its time to let women run things for a while. And I m not talking about the species of ball- breaking exhausted women politicians who have to fashion themselves in men’s image to survive the cut and thrust of politics. I mean regular women with compassion and cop on. We don t have to stand in the cities holding hands and singing Kumbaya but surely surely we’d make a better hash of it?
We are more empathetic but also extremely practical. Less power
hungry and violent. (In fact most of us aren’t violent at all)
There wouldn’t be so many rampaging egos to fuck everything up. Most women cannot see the sense in wars where the men they love are taken from them and killed. I haven’t noticed any women of my acquaintance who have even a remote interest in brinkmanship .
It seems to me that it’s men who are the war mongers of human kind, beating their chests and eyeing up the other fellow’s country: wife, land, ding dong, while women roll their eyes and go back to peeling the spuds.
Has a single female ever used the words “Hey! What are you
lookin’ at?”
Send in the housewives I say……..
Back to the male aggressors. The Spanish Conquistadors under
Francisco Pizarro defeated the Inca at the battle of Cajamarca in 1532. Pizarro
had lured the emperor, the Sapa Inca Atahualpa to a meeting. The emperor
arrived bristling with self importance borne aloft on his litter which was
decorated in parrot feathers and silver. He was wearing his best ceremonial togs
and eighty members of his royal retinue surrounded him dressed in vivid blue
tunics. He naively expected to impress the Spaniards whom the Inca half
suspected were Gods of some kind.
In a show of good faith, he had brought only 7000 or so of his total army of 80,000 who were camped nearby. These men were unarmed except for small knives which they wore just for show. There was attempted communication between the leaders through possibly inaccurate interpreters and there was some confusion and it is said bemusement on the part of Atahualpa who couldn’t fathom the disrespect of the Spanish, as they refused to drink the offered ceremonial chicha, an alcoholic drink made from fermented maize. I couldn’t blame him to be honest. I tasted it and it was truly gag-making awful. Eau de S bend. I would have gone to war myself rather than take another gulp.
Of course the Sapa Inca refused to adopt the Catholic faith and was incensed and indignant at the repeated insistence of the Spanish that he should do so. Thereafter the whole thing went to shit.
The Sapa Inca continued to be incensed and indignant while
his men were cut down around him in a remarkably short time. The Inca had never
seen fire arms used before and despite the small numbers of Spanish and the
bravery of the Inca with battle hardened experience from a recent civil war, they
were quickly slaughtered. Small knives and slings and expertise in hand to hand
combat were no match for armoured men on horse-back with rifles.
Atahualpa was captured and had to pay a mind boggling ransom in gold and silver during his incarceration and he possibly continued to be incensed and indignant right up until the moment they executed him.
By 1533 Pizarro was in Cusco and despite a few years of
attempted diplomacy and political intrigue and resistance, the Inca were
defeated eventually when the last stronghold at Vilcabamba was conquered by the
Spanish in 1572. Many had already died during a civil war lead by two brothers
and those who were not killed in battle were wiped out by diseases brought
courtesy of the Europeans. Small pox decimated the numbers of the indigenous in
a way no war could achieve.
The Spanish ransacked and looted and tore everything down.
The opulent palaces and temples and store houses and administrative buildings.
Fate laughed at them later in the shape of earthquakes that tumbled the
colonial buildings but left the original Inca structures standing. Nature
thumbing its nose at man’s efforts as usual.
The Cathedral was rich with art and statutory and Alfredo, a great story teller brought everything to life for us.
It took a mere 95 years to build. Too many tea- breaks I’ll wager.
It’s also a UNESCO world heritage site and it was easy to see why. Originally a deconstructed Inca temple, the building was completed in 1654 and was built in the shape of a Latin Cross. We wandered around and through each arm of the cross in the manner of tourists the world over, gawping at this and that and stopping to listen to Alfredo’s soft spoken and humorous descriptions of what we saw.
I stopped abruptly in front of the main altar which Alfredo
told us was covered in beaten silver which had been donated by a bishop in
1803. How a bishop came to be in possession of a fortune in silver taken from
local mines I don’t know. Modest guy obviously. The altar was truly stunning.
However I also loved the original altar behind, of course also beautifully
carved but made of alder wood and more in keeping with nature as was the way of
the Inca.
Alfredo took us though the cathedral for the next hour or so
and showed us the eleven little chapels, the seven altar pieces, the choir area with
the most intricately carved wood, the world famous art work. The partridge and
the pear tree.
There was even a black Christ on the Cross who is basically
a Christ that hasn’t been cleaned over the centuries and he’s ‘pure black ‘as
we’d say in Ireland.
I enjoyed looking at the paintings which were from the Cusco
school of art. This was a style of painting imposed by the Spanish on the local
Quechua artists who were limited to painting scenes that were pleasing to the
Spanish with a big emphasis on European scenes and Catholicism.
Of course despite this restriction the natives own sensibilities emerged as can be seen in the painting of the Last Supper by the native Cusco artist Markus Zapata. Unlike the original Leonardo de Vinci painting, where the plate in front of Jesus is empty, in Zapata’s depiction, Jesus and his apostles are about to dine on a rather forlorn looking guinea pig with his four legs pointing stiffly to the ceiling.
Guinea pigs are a delicacy widely eaten in Peru and Marcus
Zapata must have thrown caution to the wind. (Bearing in mind that this was
still the end stage of the Spanish Inquisition) However his impertinence was
not punished perhaps because someone sensible decided that it would be easier
to convert the indigenous natives if they used symbols from their own world. Or
maybe the Spanish powers that be were busy in other parts of the world hacking
off body parts and torturing non believers. Anyway there it was this quirky
painting to entertain a little Irish woman all these many years later.
The Last Supper by Marcus Zapata from the Cusco School
Note scrawney guinea pig
Even if you were a person who would rather chew knives than walk around a cathedral for an hour, you could not help but be smacked in the gob by the sheer scale of human endeavour and craftsman ship that went into its’ construction.
When we went back to the square that night to dine in one of the restaurants, the plaza was even more beautiful, like a spot-lit amphitheatre with the sprinkle of lights from the houses on surrounding hills shimmering like jewels. It was easy to forget that these lights that enchanted us from afar came from the homes of people who were mostly poor.
The next day Alfredo took us on a bus tour of some Inca
sites, the most interesting being Sacsayhuaman
otherwise known by tittering tourists as Sexy Woman. This was a fortress to the
north of the city where the Inca made their last attempt to keep control of
Cusco and as I walked around the ruins under a bright brazen sun I tried to
imagine the pitched battle but I couldn’t get my imagination past the sunshine
and soft breeze.
The complex is constructed with massive stones that are so
large and thick it was hard to conceive how they were dragged from the quarry
several miles away. Sacsayhuaman is also a great example of the inventive
nature of Inca construction where each stone was carved into interlocking male
and female pieces that fitted together perfectly without mortar but in such a
way that to this day you couldn’t fit a sheet of paper between them. The walls
also lean inward slightly and the individual blocks have rounded edges,
designed precisely so that in earthquakes the stones can jiggle a little in
place but not become displaced. How ingenuous is that?
The sophistication of their building methods was
breathtaking given the time and the absence of heavy machinery, steel, iron.
They didn’t even have the wheel for godsake. They quarried these huge lumps of
rock from nearby, carved protruberances onto the rocks so that they could
attach ropes and then dragged these massive lumps of stone on rolling logs, goodish
distances to the sites of construction where stone masons got to work. No one
knows how many people it took to drag one piece of rock but it was probably in
the hundreds for some pieces.
Interestingly for the time, the Inca didn’t use thousands of
slaves. Their own civilians paid tax in labour
and in return enjoyed the infra structure and protection of the empire.
We should do this at home. Instead of giving the government a
big share of our annual income in taxes we could give a certain amount of our
labour. We could all be like council workers. I could breast feed a shovel as
well as the next man. Probably better seeing as how I have actual breasts.
When we weren’t sight seeing we wandered off alone or together enjoying the town and the people and the restaurants. We even made a short stop in the Irish bar but I took my own advice and didn’t drink any alcohol before the hike as I was determined not to put the kibosh on my acclimatization. We were now ready for the next and most important stage, day 1 of the Inca Trail.
After 2 days in Cusco we were deemed to be acclimatized enough to begin our hike. I still had a headache but not an intolerable one and I was too delighted with Peru to let it bother me.
You start the Inca trail beyond Ollantaytambo after a bus
journey through the hills and down into the Sacred valley. The journey out of
Cusco city made me realise that the locals lived in areas quite different to
the tourist gloss around Plaza de Armas. On the outskirts of Cusco as we
climbed out of the city, the streets and pavements were literally crumbling and
I was struck by the utter dereliction of the houses. Every house was unpainted, un-plastered and unloved.
Buildings looked totally unfinished as if in the process of their construction
some major event had occurred and everyone had to leave suddenly.
Feral dogs nosed through rubbish emptied out of refuse bags
that had been left on the street. Obviously there wasn’t enough money for
proper plastic bins to solve this problem but the amount of time and effort
that must be spent cleaning up the mess would have been considerable.
This was an entirely different scene to the captivating
charm of the tourist areas of Cusco. We three gringos gazed out the windows
while Alfredo sat chatting companionably to the driver in front, accustomed to
the poverty.
After an hour or so driving we descended into the Sacred valley.
This is the wonderful fertile valley on either side of the boiling Urumbamba
river. The Inca believed that the Urumbamba was the earthbound counterpart of
the Milky Way and who was I to argue? In the Sacred valley people speak the
native Quechua rather than Spanish and work the fields and harvest salt with
methods unchanged since the days of the Incas. They grow white corn and coca
and potatoes on spectacularly terraced green slopes.
Alfredo lives in a village in the Sacred valley and we dropped in to his home where we met his wife and adorable 2 year old daughter. We also picked up the 8 men who would accompany us as porters. These were men from Alfredo’s village, mainly peasant farmers who supplemented their income with their jobs as porters on the trail. He greeted them with great warmth and there was a lot of laughing and back thumping and then they all got on the bus after smiling a shy greeting to the 3 gringos. One of them was obviously the group joker. He was young and broad shouldered and handsome and Alfredo told us his nick name was ‘Hombre’ (The man). Every time he said
something they all laughed loudly.
Alfredo and ‘Hombre’
When we arrived at the start of the trail, other groups and porters were assembling in a big open area. This is where the food and equipment is arranged on the ground and each porter takes his share. The Inca trail is a national park and UNESCO heritage site, and you need a passport and a permit to enter. Each porter must carry no more than 25 kg and that is checked.
Alfredo cast a professional eye over the preparations, offering words of support to the guys, joking with them and teasing us Gringos as we plastered the sunscreen on to our pasty bodies. We also prepared our own back packs which were pitifully small and light in comparison to what the porters had to carry.
After being on a mountain rescue team for over 10 years it was strange setting off on a hike with an almost empty back pack but earlier when I had tried to fill it up to ease the burden on one of the guys, Alfredo put his hand on my arm and said firmly ‘No Marie. The porters will carry.’ And carry they did but more about that later.
After the check points we all set off across the first bridge and walked along the rough path. The Urumbamba raced across massive rocks far below us going in the opposite direction. It was sunny and I felt incredibly buoyant and happy to be there in the midst of these beautiful mountains. Other groups massed behind and in front but despite the foot traffic there was never a sense of there being too many people and there was enough scenery for all of us.
The first few footsteps….
The first day was an easy walk with hardly any incline at
all and took us though forest at first where Alfredo stopped regularly to show
us flowers like Andean Lupins and Fushia and of course a dizzying variety of Orchids
which are famous on the Inca trail. Alfredo’s grandmother was a shaman and he
had great interest in local flora.
He told us which plant was used by the local people for what.
This one for joint pain, that one to alleviate cramps during a woman’s period. Another
one possibly hallucinogenic.
(I had obviously
ingested that one because one minute I was at home in the west of Ireland
making the dinner and now here I was, absolutely convinced that I was walking in the Andes!)
I wondered was there anything for my menopause but despite my penchant for sometimes making matter of fact comments that make my non-nursing friends cringe, I didn’t say it aloud. Men get all squeamish if you mention the menopause the poor things.
Alfredo showing me a plant that would make me thinner, younger and possibly a Hollywood star.
As the afternoon progressed the gaggle of people thinned out and I found myself walking alone to my delight. This was to be our routine every day, myself and the boys. Younger man Darren surging ahead like a springbok, older man Pat amazingly sprightly for his age but going at a more sedate pace behind, and little old me in the middle. Alfredo was the sweeper. Every half hour or so we four waited for each other and stopped to admire and marvel at something or other or to listen to Alfredo who seemed to have an encyclopedic grasp of all things Inca trail.
We passed the first Inca site, Llactapata, down below us on the valley floor where the ruins of a town and its buildings fan out along the broad grassy terraces. It was my first ‘Wow!’ moment on the Inca trail standing on this broad expanse of grass surrounded by verdant mountains on all sides, the sun shining warmly. I had half a notion to do a Maria Von Trapp and fling my arms wide to the mountains and wheel around and suddenly break into rapturous song
The hills are alive with the sound of Music…..
Then I’d reluctantly gather my apron and go back to the nuns. Only there wasn’t a nun in sight only three men, one Peruvian and two Paddies and I didn’t want to alarm them. So I kept my arms down by my sides and listened obediently to Alfredo’s information on the ruins. (Which I can t remember. Google it for godsake….)
Llactapata ruins behind. Alfredo had daubed us with the juice of some plant….
Our first camp was a pleasant field where the porters had already erected our sleeping tents and the dinner tent and were banging and clattering about when we arrived. Alfredo gathered everyone in a circle and for the next half hour we all introduced ourselves with Alfredo as interpreter.
The porters stood up one by one and spoke in beguilingly gentle voices and with great formality. They all began by saying Buenas Noches Senors, Senorita.” (‘There we go again! Senorita. I must be young,’ I thought wildly to myself!)
The porters only speak Quechua and maybe a smattering of Spanish so they told us through Alfredo what they did for a living and how many children they had. Alfredo informed them that I was a nurse and wilderness first aid trainer and that I volunteered on a team who rescued people off the mountains in my own country. They all oohed and ahhed at that and gazed at me with renewed interest.
‘Small mountains!’ I added hastily, lest anyone think I was a hard core mountaineer shimmying up Everest whenever I had a spare moment. Our Croagh Patrick at 760 metres would be like climbing a chair to these boys.
Getting to know the porters. That’s Hombre on the right with a face made for devilment.
After the introductions were made we toasted each other. They had poured some pale cloudy mixture into small aluminium cups and I looked doubtfully at the liquid before putting on my game face and taking a big gulp. It was made of white corn and it was utterly vile. Despite my efforts to conceal this Alfredo caught my expression and pealed with laughter and muttered something to the boys who found it equally amusing.
There isn’t much to do in the evenings and other people are
camped nearby but aren’t easy to connect with unless you re bold enough to go
poking your head nosily into people’s tents. The dining tent was set up for us
with table and fold up chairs. Roland was our server and he entered the tent
with platter upon platter of delicious food. Rice and fried chicken and salad
and bread and I don t know what else. He was as solemn and formal as a maitre D
and I smiled at him but he ignored me out of shyness. There was barely enough
room on the table for all the food and I was embarrassed by such bounty while
camping but Alfredo dismissed my protestations and told me that the left-overs
would be enjoyed by the porters which made me feel better. He also explained
that they had their own food also as their taste is somewhat different.
Because there was really little else to do we went to bed at around eight and went off to sleep to the sound of crickets and a rather lively rustling from a couple of donkeys in a neighbouring field. Love-making no doubt. At least someone were getting some.
Our luxurious tents. I was close enough to the men to hear whenever an arse was scratched!
The pass we were to climb to today is supposed to look like a supine woman hence the name. I don t know why a supine woman has to imply a dead woman but I suppose ‘Supine Woman’s Pass’ doesn’t have the same ring to it.
We awoke at 5.30 to the sweet sound of bird song. Nicholas the oldest porter at 165 years old, came around to our tents and brought us a small bowl of warm water for our ablutions which would become more minimal as the days wore on. Our ablutions that is, not the water.
(Okay Nicolas is only 60 or so but he had a lot of missing teeth which gave his face a caved in look.)
We ate a hearty breakfast of bread and the most delicious
omelette while the porters moved around the camp with practised ease,
dismantling our tents, putting away pots and pans, taking away the contents of
the toilet in a bag.
Today was the day that strikes fear into the heart of every Gringo who has ever read a single thing about the Inca trail. Words like ‘punishing’ had been thrown around to describe the 5 hour hike on Day two up and over Dead Woman’s pass at 4215 meters where I hoped I wasn’t going to become a dead woman myself. Then a 2 hour hike down. I wasn’t worried although there was no telling whether I would be affected by altitude. I was enjoying myself too much and if it was going to prove hard then so be it.
Back on the trail we greeted people whom we had met the day before. A couple of gorgeous Argentinian girls who got the attention of all the men in their immediate vicinity, a lovely young German couple, a few Irish people who you could pick out as Irish as a distance of a 100 meters. What is it about us that is immediately identifiable? It’s not just our whiter that white skin and our somehow Irish looking potato heads or the fact that we’re not remotely sleek like so many other brown limbed Europeans. There’s just an indefinable Irishness that means we can always pick each other out of a line-up.
We spent the morning walking through cloud forest on a path
that took us along a smaller river that ignored our upward progress and bounced
off downward over the rocks to leap joyfully into the arms of its mother, the
Urumbamba.
Alfredo told us to walk slowly and mindfully and ‘just enjoy’ and that’s what I did. Alfredo should be in charge of the world, I was thinking contentedly to myself. The morning was cool and sunny and I put one foot in front of the other up and up the stone steps. And up.
For hikers from Ireland who normally have to climb on mountains where a wet sucking bog tries to ingest your every footstep, I found it a great luxury to walk on dry stone. There was far less labour involved walking on solid ground. There would be no trench foot here. I still had a sort of background headache and I was breathless certainly as we gained altitude but nothing serious and I stopped regularly to look around and chat with other hikers.
Beautiful mountain scenery on Day 2
We stopped for a leisurely lunch at 1 O clock and plenty to eat and drink to fortify us for the final climb. I chatted to an Irish couple, sympathising with the guy who had been up all night with diarrhoea.
After lunch we trooped off again, leaving the forest behind and emerging into a vista of mountain scenery on all sides. We were surrounded. Snaggly toothed mountains in stark relief against a vast sky. Shape changing clouds. A glacier peeping between two high spurs in the distance. I had to stop a little more regularly to catch my breath but that was fine because that gave me just another opportunity to look around.
My legs felt fine, my breath came back every time I stopped to rest, the sun was shining and it was truly wonderful. I started to get cocky then and felt a certain satisfaction as I took my short arse past mere saplings in their 20’s and 30’s and left them far behind. I felt strong and enormously grateful to be there enjoying such an experience.
When I was preparing for a marathon which I did for my fortieth birthday I remember reading that middle aged people are often more successful at training for endurance courses as they have more patience and mental discipline. Maybe there are up sides to being ‘mature’.
At one point in the midst of all of this mindful shit, I was walking past Hombre who had stopped to rest. His pack was still attached but resting on the wall behind him. We smiled at each other and I said intelligent things like ‘Whew!’ and ‘Well well!’ as I stood before him panting like an eagar puppy.
I said “Not far now eh Hombre?” as I could see what looked like the top of the path up ahead. Hombre pointed to a mountainy hump to the right of the
saddle indicating where I had to go.
“Oh righto” I said without complaint and lurched on huffing
and puffing cheerfully. I did wonder vaguely why Hombre had such a shit-eating
grin on his face as I left him.
Ten minutes later I landed at the saddle and Darren who had
arrived before me, told me that I had made it. I was at Dead Woman’s Pass and I
was very much alive.
I looked around
unconvinced. “What? But what about that
yoke over there” I persisted pointing my walking pole at the mountain hump that
didn’t even look navigable now that I was closer. “Hombre told me we had to go
over that.”
I was strangely reluctant to let go of the notion that I was
going to have to toil and struggle unto the death at some point. I was mentally
prepared for the religious experience that comes in the aftermath of the
gruelling and punishing. I had arrived at the top of the pass without any
problem whatsoever. What was I supposed to do now with all that hard earned
mental preparedness! I had been cheated!
Hombre was just arriving behind me. I went over and gave him a shake. ‘You imp! You were teasing me!” Hombre didn’t have a single word of English but was laughing. He had set me up.
At the top of Dead woman’s pass contemplating how far we had climbed from the valley floor below.
Pat and Alfredo joined us soon after. We took a few photos
and then set off for the 2 hour walk down to camp. This was a total bore and after
climbing upward all morning it was an adjustment trying to convince our bodies
to change gears. I had heard that this downward trek after all the uphill
slogging, was hard on the knees so I used my walking poles like crutches.
Leaning on them as I put a foot down. This seemed to work well and at the end
of the days walk I marvelled at how good I felt and I gave my thighs an
affectionate little thump when I finally sat down at camp. My abbreviated legs
would never see a cat walk but they have been great friends and have brought me
to places that I would never have seen if they were less enduring.
Apologies if all of this crowing about how great I felt is annoying to those who are punished on this day of the walk or to those who suffer from altitude sickness at this stage. My legs are somewhat conditioned from my mountainy life at home and also I did everything you’re supposed to do to prevent altitude illness. I drank lots, ate well and took my time.
My advice to those who ask how fit you have to be? You need
to be fit enough to hike in the mountains for several hours. Regular hill walkers
of all ages would have no problem with the Inca trail.
And if there are no mountains in your life?
Get reasonably fit. Do strength training for a few weeks before hand to condition legs. Walking on flat ground for a half hour every evening after work will not give you the legs for a hike upward. Nor will housekeeping or gardening. Some of the back packers I passed were only in their twenties, young people travelling around South America but while they had youth and strength on their side many of them were only reasonably conditioned to walk upwards for hours at a time and some struggled. On the third day I noticed one of the young Argentinian girls lying in a sleeping bag outside the dining tent at one of the camps. Altitude possibly.
Everybody makes it of course. It’s just about how comfortable you want to be while making it. So get fit, and strengthen your legs. They will be a great friend on the Inca rail
And as Forest Gump said “And that’s all I gotta say about
thayat”
Today the camp was a series of natural platforms beside a river with the different levels joined by little trails and steps. Porters from the bigger companies like Exodus and G adventures were already there setting up.
It was only early afternoon and we betook ourselves to our tents for a snooze before dinner and for the rest of day I idled, reading and writing and occasionally hanging out near the kitchen tent to watch preparations for dinner and generally annoy the porters.
The third day involved hiking up a couple of passes, not as steeply inclined as the day before but enough to challenge the breath in spots. The ruins du jour was Sayacmarca. (Town in a steep Place)
Hiram Bingham, the American explorer who discovered Maccu Piccu in 1911 had inexplicably called these ruins Cedrobamba although there was nary a cedar tree to be seen! He had obviously been slipped some of those hallucinogenic plant thingies.
This fortress-like group of roofless buildings clung precipitously to the side of the mountain over looking the valley below. Back in the day of the Inca I imagine it would have been a simple matter to get rid of an unwanted relation, a nagging mother in law for example, by just bumping her over a low wall. She would disappear into the deep vegetation of the valley hundreds of metres below and no one would be any of the wiser as you went about your business whistling merrily. These were the silly thoughts I had as I peered over low walls into the sheer drop, off the site.
Me standing in front of the ‘Make your mother-in-law disappear’ wall
We landed at camp in the early afternoon. Phuyupatamarca. (Cloud level town) at
3670 meters. True to its’ name the clouds were actually down amongst us and
although we were informed by Alfredo that the view was the most magnificent on
the trail, we couldn’t see anything beyond the perimeter of the camp.
Alfredo old us that this was his favourite camp because of
the view and he was looking forward to our reaction when the clouds parted and
we could finally see beyond the length of our arms.
Unimpressed Llamas also waiting for the mist to clear. Or for us to clear perhaps….
The main excitement that afternoon came in the form of a
herd of Llama’s who were placed all around the camp and as the different companies
arrived to set up their respective tents, the Llama’s remained standing amongst
all the activity wearing stubborn expressions.
Alfredo tried to gently push one of the animals who was
standing in front of the kitchen tent. The Llama wouldn’t budge. Alfredo was
smiling. “He doesn’t want to go.”
“How do you know it’s a ‘He’” I asked wih the earnest stupidity of a tourist who is not thinking for themselves. I had decided that Alfredo, as an indigenous Peruvian could just look into the Llama’s eyes and intuit that masculine glint.
‘Balls” Alfredo remarked laconically and the Irish men and Alfredo laughed out loud at my abashed expression.
Unfortunately the clouds elected to stay put and for the rest of the evening we sat in a strange dream like world with tendrils of mist teasing and shape changing around us. We ate in a kind of desultory silence and went to bed early out of boredom.
I awoke at 5am and lay there listening to the rain. I had had a fitful sleep and the outside of the sleeping bag and inside of the tent was damp with droplets of condensation. There was a rush of water immediately outside the tent and really close to my head. Then I heard an eerily plaintive moan and I thought ‘What the actual fuck?’
Maybe it was the altitude I decided. I was having auditory
hallucinations. Waterfalls that weren’t there. Strange noises. Then realisation
dawned.
I unzipped the front of the tent and stuck my head out into the darkness. And there she was, standing outside the front of my tent, close enough to touch if I reached out my hand. (It had to be a she with those eye lashes.)
I was kneeling inside my tent with my head poking outside and looking no doubt rather foolish and I m afraid the llama had this self same thought because she pointedly ignored me. She remained perfectly still and allowed me to study her profile.
She was poised and imperious, standing there under a sky full of stars. Then she emitted that strange strangled cry again. Was she calling for a mate? Communicating with the others who stood over at the edge of camp together grazing on some grass? Was she saying ‘Will you look at this twit with her head sticking out of the tent!’
So we stayed like that for a time the two of us. Me quietly watching her, she quietly ignoring me. I could hear the snoring of one of the men and the sleeping ventilations of the other in the tent beside me. All was perfectly quiet and still otherwise. Then she sat down with a grunt, more or less dismissing me and a friend or relation came to join her and they lay there doing absolutely nothing.
Her Highness. Note that sneer!
After a time the birds woke up and gave us sweet little trills and whistles. People started to stir. I withdrew back into my tent and lay there swaddled in my sleeping bag. I was wearing all my clothes.
I’m not gonna lie, I felt a little manky. My personal grooming had suffered during the course of the three days I m afraid. Every night I wore a pair of leggings, two base layers and my socks to bed. I brushed my teeth before I went to bed and first thing. I had a quick wash every morning with the warm water that Mariano brought to the tent but it was just a quick top and tail. I hadn’t washed my feet in days because then you’d have to use the same little bowl of water to wash your….well you get the idea. My hair was greasy and I was down to my last base layer. I was sorry I hadn’t brought my Chanel number 5. I hadn’t wanted to bring a single item of vanity that another would have to carry but in retrospect I m sure the porters wouldn’t have minded carrying the tiny bottle if it meant that the only Gringa in the group smelled like a meadow rather than a wet blanket.
But I quickly cast these concerns of vanity aside after I dressed and wandered outside. Alfredo had been looking forward to showing us this vista.
The clouds had shrouded us entirely the previous evening but now the wisps of vapour started to separate. I walked down to the edge of the camp with an air of expectancy. Alfredo had talked endlessly about this, his favourite camp and favourite view.
Suddenly the cloud lifted and parted like an opening night curtain. I practically gasped. I was standing tiny and insignificant above a wide valley through which white clouds rolled through like a river. All around in every direction stood the Andes mountains, their peaks probing an endless sky. Timeless. Immutable. Mind-bendingly beautiful.
On top of the world. Phuyupatamarka 3670 metres
I ignored the clanging sounds behind me of a nearby group of porters preparing breakfast and I stayed very still. I tried to make a mental imprint that would stay behind my eye lids to be taken out whenever I wanted. I had no interest in taking a picture. No picture could have captured the way I was feeling. The exhilaration of it. I had never seen anything so beautiful. I felt emotional. Small and insignificant but nonetheless part of this wonderful world we call nature.
That moment was my moment on the trip. The one I will remember and cherish.
The guys finally wandered over to join me and imbibe the scenery and Alfredo noticed us and captured the above picture. I finally and reluctantly tore myself away from the view and went back to get ready for that day’s walk. I was feeling remarkably buoyant. The sun was beginning to show its’ cheery face and the damp of the night before was already a dim memory. Joints were limber from use and I felt like a spring rabbit as I bounced away from the camp and started down the steep steps towards the next ruins which were called Intipata
Intipata. Sunny Slope.
I was very smitten
with the broad green terraces and stone steps of the Intipata ruins which
obviously had an agricultural function. I marvelled again at the sophistication
and ambition of Incan agriculture and what they managed to produce high in the
mountains in cold thin air with a lot of precipitation all year round.
They created these
broad terraces to increase the area of flat land on which to grow potato,
quinoa, and maize and at every Inca site you will see these large impossibly
verdant giant stone steps carved out of the rugged mountain environment.
They built irrigation channels on the terraces to divert
water to wherever it was needed and coax water away from where it was not. They also constructed
these terraces in layers so that water running down these steps soaked into top
soil, then into a bed of sand below and underneath that a foundation of fine
gravel, probably the leavings of the stone work. This ensured that a lot of the
water got sifted down into the earth rather than waterfall off the terraces. In
this way the clever buggars prevented erosion.
They made intelligent use of crop rotation and had a massive
talent for food storage, building thousands of storage silos all over their
vast empire in which they stored freeze- dried food to protect against drought
or famine.
The rulers provided seeds and basic tools and in turn the
farmers were expected to be self sufficient but to supply their labour when
needed for big building projects. This is the tax system I mentioned before,
a sort of socialist model or reciprocal exchange between individuals where your
taxes due were a labour obligation. Whether this was Shangri La for the
ordinary people or a repressive autocratic system is not certain but it seems
to have been successful.
Llama and Alpaca were used for meat, hide and to transport and distribute the produce around the system on their extensive network of roads, one such road being of course the Inca trail. How wonderful to walk along a road that was built 500 years ago and where the ghostly whisper remained of thousands of feet that had walked here before us.
I marvelled at the fortitude of the Inca people, fighting an
ongoing battle with nature and the environment, dragging bounty from these
mountains in the harsh Andean eco system. To increase their chances of good
luck, they sang while they worked and prayed to their Gods of nature, the sun
and moon Gods and offered sacrifices on stone altars. Llama and Alpaca were
choice sacrifices and I m afraid children who were considered pure and
therefore a perfect gift to appease the ever hungry Gods.
Trying to imagine these lonely misty terraces bustling with people
working the land.
(I look like a person from Lilliput
who has fetched up in a giants garden.)
It all worked somehow
and agriculture here was so successful that there are many projects around Peru
now employing these self same methods and restoring Incan systems of farming to
improve production.
Once again a couple of Llama were the cause of a diversion when a large animal that had been grazing amongst the ruins, decided to descend the stone steps behind me. Darren called out a warning as this beast of a thing started to canter down the steps at a good clip and I managed to step out of the way before I was wiped out. These animals are as harmless as sheep but getting hit by one at speed would be like being knocked down by a Mini. I’d never live it down. Tourist mowed down by Llama recovering in hospital with 37 broken bones…..
Another Llama who tried to cut my lunch. This launch was from the side. A conspiracy obviously.
The next ruins of the day werethe hugely
impressive Winay Wayna (Forever Young).
More cleverly constructed buildings connected by steep stone
steps. More sweeping lush green terraces. Maccu Piccu and the end of the trail was only
a short distance away now and myself and the boys were feeling strangely giddy.
Winay Wayna
Pat caught one of my many peaceful moments on the trail.